Hi. I'm here again to share another experience from when I was yet a defenseless child, around age 9, raised under the shadow of a Narcissistic mother.
Outsiders unfamiliar with a psychopath would only observe what they perceive as an “upstanding member of the community,” tax-paying, law-obeying (at least to their knowledge) by all superficial appearances.
As a child I already recognized, but could not fully fathom, “My mother hates me.”
It came by means of subtle and not so subtle hints.
For instance, the persistent problem of misfitted clothing. Lack of socks, underwear which had worn out elastic. Always outdated clothing, hand me downs, which drew constant criticism and bullying. It was as if the Matriarch's life mission to make blending in and acceptance, impossible.
I co-exist daily, with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Whenever I see a stove with boiling water it makes me ill at the sight of it, knowing what it can do to a human.
When I see the daily reports from Gaza of innocents with 3rd degree burns, it leaves me shattered. The only types of people who perpetrate such acts are monsters.
I recall that day in the late 1970s when the matriarch, out of the blue, decided to deviate from her normal method of using a cauldron of hot water to scald and clean chickens.
She switched it up with a lightweight pot of water that could be lifted with both hands.
She turns to me and says, “Go turn on the water spigot.” Like an obedient child, I ran but stopped midtrack as boiling water cascaded across my flesh.
In state of shock I slid from the soaked clothing, observing the epidermis sloughing off, exposing bright red subdermal tissue.
The pain was so intense, I began crying directly to God to end my suffering.
The Matriarch did not apologize. I never saw a tear. Never observed her make a single decision in haste.
She was well thought out and calculating as always. She bypassed the Conway Hospital.
According to the Conway Chamber of Commerce, the hospital was then located on 9th Avenue in Conway but she chose to bypass it and drive an additional 22 minutes or 15 miles all the way to the Myrtle Beach Air Force Base hospital.
Ever the logical money conscientious creature she was, since it was not her pain and the Patriarch's retirement from the U.S. Navy guaranteed FREE medical care.
On the way to Myrtle Beach, I did wonder why she felt it wasn't an emergency and why she took the long route.
However, when she was bit by a black widow spider she went straight to Conway Hospital for care. I understand in the mind of a psychopath, saving a couple hundred dollars outweighs the pain of a child she couldn't empathize with anyway. She snapped for me to be silent and was nasty about it, so I choked back my screams.
When we entered Myrtle Beach Air Force Base hospital, she immediately put on her charming facade, claiming it was “an accident.” Nobody thought to question how she could possibly be looking in the direction of a child as she “accidentally” threw boiling water on them.
The reasons why a mother would hate their own child that much is equally incomprehensible.
